Twenty Nine seems like a good time to grow up. 

I'm 29. Ok, let's be honest here, I am 29 and 6 months. Which means in just 6 short months I will be 30. It blows my mind to even type that number. I mostly still feel like a 16 year-old girl sitting in my room reading murder mysteries, and trying my hardest to not fail algebra. When did this whole grown up thing happen? Most days I feel like I missed the memo. At any rate, I think it's time I start blogging. I have things to say sometimes. 

It's a funny thing, growing up. I can't speak for anyone but myself, and for all I know I could be completely mental, but for me it has been a two steps forward three steps back type of situation. For example: When I turned 25 I remember thinking, "Right, no more messing about. I'm an adult now and it is time to grow up and act as such!" I think that lasted about a year. Then it was like a digression, and I was once again living with my parents, back in college (for a Master's Degree this time) and looking for a job. That lasted a few years. There was partying like when I was 2, bad choices with men, stupid decisions with money. All of the things I had convinced myself at 25 I was finished with forever. Then I hit 28. I had 2 degrees, a dead end call center job that had me riddled with anxiety daily, and no direction.  

 I was depressed. I felt lost. I have always been a planner. I like to know where my life is going, and I had no clue. All the grand plans I had for my life when I was younger just didn't happen. I thought I would graduate, get a fabulous job, get married and start a family. The only thing on my list that I had accomplished was graduating. Twice. 

So I started over. I quit my job, found a career path that I not only wanted to do, but that was pretty much a guaranteed job, and I followed that. I am currently following, I should say. I applied to a Masters Degree program for Special Needs and Elementary Education, and I am over halfway through. 

Growing up. What's that all about? So yeah, I'm still broke. I'm once again looking for a job and I live with my sister and brother-in-law because I can't get my own place, but I'm finally on a clear path. I finally feel like I might actually be growing up. 

I guess when I think about what it means to be "grown-up" now I think of it more as a state of mind. I am now thinking about what my choices will mean in the long run. I am thinking about how I'm going to build my future, and I have realized the future I used to want, all the things I once thought were so important, are different now. 

Being grown up does not mean I'm boring. It doesn't mean I don't make mistakes, or bad choices, or that I have it all figured out. It also doesn't mean that I can't have fun, or be silly. It just means I think more, I care about different things, I plan and plan and plan, and then I realize those plans may never even come to fruition but it's ok as long as I keep trying and planning. 

I don't know what being grown up means to anyone else. I have talked about it with friends, and we never seem to reach a consensus. So, I guess it's different things to different people. But this is it for me, in this moment, this is what being grown up is all about. 

And I guess it's about time.